i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
