It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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