her vagine was all disorganized.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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