I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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