before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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