So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
