i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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