You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
