Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
