you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
