Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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