i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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