And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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