Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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