my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
