Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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