You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
