I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
