last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I came so hard my ears popped.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
