I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think I just sharted jello shots
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
