u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
