I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
