The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
