i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
