need another drink. this is the easiest way
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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