he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
