If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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