i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
