Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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