I wish my penis had an off switch
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
