I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
