How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
