haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
