she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
