Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
