I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
