Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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