it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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