I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
