I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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