bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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