3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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