he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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