So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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