I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
