How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
