Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
