my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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