I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
