My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
