redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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