I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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