Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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