He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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