Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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