Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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