i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
