What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My bed smells like the plague
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
