Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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