the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I looked at my own cervix.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
