Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
