Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
