I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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