the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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