I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
