You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
