i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
