Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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