And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He shit in the fireplace
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
