Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
