you have to choose: penises or morals?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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