Kiss
Puke
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
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Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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