i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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