There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
